Now, because I'm such a nice guy, and well I figured that perhaps if anything was set out simply, Luke might begin on the path of understanding. So I sent him the following:

( The First Email )

Now, in order to understand exactly what's going on at this point you have to know that I implemented a fun little filter where upon any mail I receive from Luke gets Archived automatically, and forwarded right back to him.
First I don't have to read it unless I want to, and second, it'll annoy the fuck out of him.

In response to the above I received the following just seven minutes afterwards, showing exactly just how much time, effort and thought goes into his posts:

( Luke's Response 1 )

Now, none of this is edited in any way shape or form. He really is that bad at the email game.

Of course eleven minutes after that he sent a sequel email, presumably triggered by the auto-forward of his last response:

( Luke's 2nd Response. )

Now so you understand what the whole ST comments and such as about, it was all brought on by discussion of a plot.
I stated quite simply that if certain events brought "wrathful" characters into the city to do "wrathful" things upon other characters, such "wrathful" events would trigger a response by a "wrathful" being of immense power. Anything other than that would be disappointing extremely.
He believes that we shouldn't have external world triggers to PC events with big NPCs rocking up.
Of course I observed that it wouldn't surprise me if such didn't happen because the local VST doesn't like the plot in any way, shape or form and is determined to kill it..
Such mishandling of all the hard work and effort I'd put in during the year prior to the current VST taking over would lead to me most likely walking away entirely.

So naturally to attack me over my attachment to the work that I've done would lead to me getting, what was that term? oh yes "angery".

As for my preventing him from attending games and events at the So Bar. It should be quite simple for him to understand.
The owner is allowing us to hold things there as a favour to me, not the club.
The owner is one of my best friends of the past 5+ years.
The owner will understand if I would like to remove such disruptive elements from the venue.
And quite simply if there was a choice between a major position-holder in good standing who's been propping up the venue, and a mere leech, the choice should be obvious.

He just doesn't understand.

There will be more on this matter, as it somewhat amuses me, no doubt annoys him, and sheds light on the bad apples of the club.

And I haven't had the heart to inform him all this time due to pity that a lot of the capabilities of his mage won't work without an additional factor.
Having things implanted are all very well and good until they get rejected by the body.

Well here's the fun, I email someone to remind me to beat the fuck out of them for making an "emo" crack at me and naturally they fly off the handle.

The child in green
Dark eyes aglow
Envious of future years
Stolen by the man of woe

Betrayed of trust
Betrayed below
A gift of consequence
A puppet throne

Safeguarding futures known
Imprisoned within
Twisted by rage
A flower's black bloom

Seek ye the angel
Tears of stone
Shatter it's skull
Or else bemoan

Freed by madness
Drawn by wrath
Shaped by malice
Blind of masks

Today I've decided to walk away from Requiem.
I don't know how long it's for, but it looks to be indefinite at this point.

To put it simply this is a protest because someone decided to break the rules, and despite my notifying them of the issue, the decided to ignore me.

Local Requiem players are weak.
They assume they have the right to two sessions every 4 weeks, that others should make way purely because Requiem is the club's draw-card, that it has the numbers, that it has the money.
The problem is, it's not.

So basically several someones forgot that during the past four weeks that we had a Requiem session, easy mistake to make I know, what with the month having more then 28 days and all that.
So they decided that people were discontent about it.
Of course when reminded that we did indeed have a Requiem session at the start of the month they revised things a little bit, but not much.
And because Requiem players have the "right" to two sessions every four weeks, the acting VST and the DC decided to essentially bribe their players.

All local Requiem players, as long as they submit a downtime will be receiving the additional sum of 4XP as a "sorry" that they could only have one session, just like all the other genres.

Now this may seem like not much, but look at it this way. The most XP we're allowed to grant outside of a game session if 5 XP, of that we can only grant a maximum of 3 XP for any one thing.

So rather than make a huge fuss, as this might upset the local Requiem-only players, I've decided to remove my patronage from a genre.
They need my funds to help stay out of debt.
This is my protest.

But what good's a protest if nobody knows about it?
Now people do.

[edit]
Well that was quick, not long after I posted this, the issue got corrected.
Looks like my protest is over.
It takes a big man to admit when a decision was wrong, Jarrod did.
I guess people pay attention to me after all.

I think I might be avoiding Requiem this weekend still, I expect some people might be rather bitter that I cost them some XP.
[/edit]

It doesn't matter how many people you attempt to save, how many wounds you heal, how many diseases you cure, it's all for nothing.
No matter how you try, people are destined on some primitive level to repeat their mistakes.
The only way you can fix this is to shock them so hard that they have no choice but to change their ways.
I don't kill, I save lives, if only to alleviate the boredom.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning so as to let you understand my words a bit more, to give the horror a chance to seep in further.

My mother. Now whilst some would try to apply some Freudian psychology to me, explaining how I idolised her, had an Oedipus complex or something similar, I can tell you right now that you're dead wrong. Nothing could be further from the truth.
The fact is, I despised her. Even more so during the war.
She was a matron at the local hospital, primitive place that it was. A pathetic place even for it's time.
I could tell from the stories that she brought home at night that they just didn't have the people necessary to keep up with the tide of flesh that they tried to put back together, like some kind of scarecrow.

What's the point in putting something supposedly right when it just gets sent back to get broken again?
Seemed a bit of a waste for me. They should have just granted them mercy and redirected their numbers elsewhere. Even capitulated if need be in order to survive long enough to strike a decisive blow.
If anything the Germans would have given us a much needed improvement and made us stronger.

So as you can tell I wasn't too appreciative of my mother's work. But I kept my thoughts about it to myself, at least for awhile.

My father, he was a different matter entirely.
I suppose you could call it poetic, but like my mother he also worked in meat.
Except his job wasn't so much stitching it back together, but rather cutting it apart.
A butcher by trade he was.
If not for his age and infirmity no doubt he would have been pressed into business in a futile war designed only to sap the lifeblood from our country.
Of course due to my age I was too young to be press-ganged, thus my father decided I should follow in his footsteps and learn his trade.
So I got to learn by my father's side all about the aspects of the flesh.
I was the one he tasked with cleaning the floors, with greeting the customers and running mediocre errands of delivery.
Quite simply, despite my fascination with the flesh, I was completely bored out of my wits.

Two ordinary parents with an aspiring son which they didn't want to recognise as greater than they were.
This wasn't going to do, not at all.

So I decided to liven things up, if only to show the world a brief spark in the dark revealing that not all is what it seems.

I never once considered how much blood a live body contained, nor the mess caused by removing it's constraints.
If I had of cared for a moment about not getting caught I might have taken greater preparation.
As it was luck was upon me as my parents slept on crisp, clean, unblemished white sheets.

Back then we didn't have much in the way of protective gear, so of course I got covered in it, even now I can remember the taste.
You never forget the first time you taste what spurts from within.

Now in modern times things might have been different, but back then I realised that my joining them would prove ill-advised.
I quickly washed up, disposed of the clothing I'd been wearing, and packed those things I was needing and left.

The problem was my home was all I'd really known. I wasn't studied up on the world outside. I didn't even know how to read.
I was also unprepared for how cold the streets were.
I didn't get far before a friend of my father, an officer of the law found me.
He assumed me distraught when I told him I was the one who killed them.
In his disbelief he assumed me traumatised and innocent.

Eventually I was relegated to an orphanage.
What happened there is the subject of another story, surprisingly enough also of boredom.

Khamûl

This piece of text is entirely fictional, has no basis in fact and is simply a developmental piece for the purpose of developing a roleplaying character. It is also considered Out of Character type knowledge unless you discover it in-game.

Well in case some of you had missed it due to the wonderful lack of media coverage (we will not be muted, we'll raise our numbers higher) there was a protest on back on the 10th.
This protest was against the Church of Scientology.

I'd like to state right now that it was not against scientology nor the people who believe in it.
It was against their methods, the fact you have to pay to go anywhere in it, and the fact they're essentially using a business model yet in the majority are tax-exempt due to supposedly being a religion.

Anonymous is protesting for your right to free knowledge and lack of censorship.
Anonymous is protesting because it's harder to take down an amorphous blob than named individuals.

Join Anonymous, you can be anyone, we don't care. If you breath you can be a part of it.
The next protest is on March the 15th at your local church of scientology.
Be Anonymous and conceal your face so they can't use photos to track you down and do what they do to Suppressive Persons, which is anything in their power to destroy you.

Anyway, that wonderful protest lead me to meeting a girlie.
Thus I now have a new fuck buddy.
And she's extremely kinky.
We share a number of kinks which is awesome.
She's also willing to come to me and can drive herself places.
This is made of god and win.

Oh and since this is slightly on topic, there's a new shop over on Russell street that just opened, you should go visit them sometime and give them patronage.
They're called Twisted Toys for Adults.
They over near Bourke street.
They have purple things and helpful staff.

I figure you should all be mature enough to be able to read this.
I wonder if I can get a Camarilla discount arranged :D

Basically i've been going fairly well with my life.

Haven't been damaging myself too much.
Haven't had any issues with emotional turmoil.
I'm even back on broadband.
Anxiety hasn't been bothering me much.
Even managed to find out what was causing my chest and back pains (5th rib on the right isn't moving correctly.)

So what do I do, I encounter someone from the old days at Switch Resurrection.

Let's put things in perspective, I don't go to Switch for cheap drinks or people.
I go there purely because they play kickass music and I can forget about myself and my baggage for awhile.
Even managed to score a free drink last time (still unnerved by someone refusing to take my money.)

Anyway, I happen to encounter someone from the past there, sometimes going under the name of Seth, and a couple of his friends.
They convince me to make a trip over to DV8 to see what it's like these days.
I meet someone I've liked for the past while.
I get happy just being with her.
I decide to go back a week later (as in last night) because she says she's going to be there.

Managed to run into her again at melbourne central on wednesday night and reinforce me decision to go back to DV8.

I shouldn't have gone back.

Sure people noticed my not being there. Even met some people from my home town (placing faces doesn't always work after these years, I recognise them, but not the names.)
They even sell my energy drink of choice.

The problem is I should have left the past in the past.

One moment the girl I like is there, I close my eyes for just 10 seconds or so, open them and she's gone. I figure she'll be back after awhile, if only to say goodbye.
Awhile later some of her friends disappear. I figure if they were really leaving (keep in mind I'd let them crash at my place in the past and such) they'd at least come and say goodbye.

I send a couple of SMSs every now and then.
I receive no responses.
Eventually it gets to the DJ who plays music I don't like.
Still no return of those people, no responses to messages.

By this point I'm feeling quite depressed and my anxiety's shown it's ugly face to me.

So I go back and sit in my car for awhile.
My ipod's seemingly dead (did similar 2 weeks back as well) and thus I switch to my sony mp3 discman thing.
Eventually I drive home.
I make some sandwiches and watch some stuff.
Then I sleep from around 7:30am until after 10pm tonight.

I'm not feeling any better.
At least they could have said goodbye or something to acknowledge my existence.
Anything really.

So now I've stepped back quite considerably back to how I used to feel.

So I don't think I'm going to go back to DV8 again.
I don't want to see those people again.
I just want to curl up into a ball and do nothing in particular.
I don't want to float for a moment only to sink totally like this ever again.

Ceno.

Well these days it's getting to the point that I can no longer deal with being around people, nor be in the Camarilla due to such things.

Right now I'm emotionally turbulent and not really handling it too well.
If asked why I'm like this, I can't respond because I don't have an answer.

At this stage I'm probably going to give ACC in Sydney a miss, even if I had managed to arrange accommodation and transport.

It's also the 23rd of August, we have to be out of this house by the 10th of September.
So far the only place I've found to move to from here would be the room at Dad's flat.
Not sure I could deal with being in a house with Sparks or Luke anyway as things are starting to really shit me to the point that if I see Sparks and Brad together somebody is going to get hurt.

On the upside my back is feeling much better due to osteopathic work, but not quite enough to balance the internal downs.

I feel like I'm sinking but nobody can throw me a fucking line to help keep me afloat.

And now on to watching Bleach, see if that'll cheer me up any.

Small video I thought you all would appreciate.

http://216.93.248.82/lol/

Ceno.

4chan.org
THE RULES OF /b/
1. Do not talk about /b/
2. Do NOT talk about /b/
3. We are Anonymous
4. Anonymous is legion
5. Anonymous never forgives
6. Anonymous can be a horrible, senseless, uncaring monster
7. Anonymous is still able to deliver
8. There are no real rules about posting
9. There are no real rules about moderation either - enjoy your ban
10. If you enjoy any rival sites - DON'T
11. All your carefully picked arguments can easily be ignored
12. Anything you say can and will be used against you
13. Anything you say can be turned into something else - fixed
14. Do not argue with trolls - it means that they win
15. The harder you try the harder you will fail
16. If you fail in epic proportions, it may just become a winning failure
17. Every win fails eventually
18. Everything that can be labeled can be hated
19. The more you hate it the stronger it gets
20. Nothing is to be taken seriously
21. Original content is original only for a few seconds before getting old
22. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
23. Copypasta is made to ruin every last bit of originality
24. Every repost is always a repost of a repost
25. Relation to the original topic decreases with every single post
26. Any topic can be easily turned into something totally unrelated
27. Always question a person's sexual prefrences without any real reason
28. Always question a person's gender - just in case it's really a man
29. In the internet all girls are men and all kids are undercover FBI agents
30. There are no girls on the internet
31. TITS or GTFO - the choice is yours
32. You must have pictures to prove your statements
33. Lurk more - it's never enough
34. There is porn of it, no exceptions
35. If no porn is found at the moment, it will be made
36. There will always be even more fucked up shit than what you just saw
37. You can not divide by zero (just because the calculator says so)
38. No real limits of any kind apply here - not even the sky
39. CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE CONTROL FOR COOL
40. EVEN WITH CRUISE CONTROL YOU STILL HAVE TO STEER
41. Desu isn't funny. Seriously guys. It's worse than Chuck Norris jokes.
42. Nothing is Sacred
43. The more beautiful and pure a thing is - the more satisfying it is to corrupt it
44. Even one positive comment about Japanese things can make you a weeaboo
45. When one sees a lion, one must get into the car.
46. There is always furry porn of it.
47. The pool is always closed.

Well I decided to see what my daemon is... not sure I'm keen on it being a hare.

Did you ever have one of those moments where you know something's wrong, but you can't quite put your finger on it? I'm having one of those right not.
I don't know what it is exactly, but it's something.
That and I seem to be having a craving for something I don't know, it's not cold milk, I know that for sure. If I ever figure out what it is, it'll be after I've had some and not beforehand.

I have a new virtual pet... say hello to rackmount spider.

OK, was in bed with a FB of mine and they basically tell me they can't sleep with me or anyone else because they've realised they're still in love with another person.
Ok, I bought that, no problems, completely fine.

However what should happen but I discover she's hooked up with one of my housemates, who's most certainly not that person she was supposedly in love with.
Now I don't give a flying fuck if they've actually slept together or not, but does it render every single damn thing she ever said to me completely suspect of being total bullshit?

This is the way that friendships end.

My Big Day Out '07 ticket arrived in the mail today, it is now mine and proof that I will be staring blankly at Tool on jan 28th with my friends.
To all you people missing out, sucks to be you.

People can always like come watch anime or hang-out whenever cos for a change there's somewhere to sit in the lounge-room and the kitchen is clean.

And evil monkeys wear pants.

That is all.

Well starting off with crazyness up front.
Been seeing a head-shrinker off and on the past few months trying to work at dragging all the baggage up front, yet over that time it's only been surface stuff, 25 years is a long time to repress things, and thus things have been fairly stable, nothing major of any nature, and even my self-destructive tendencies had submerged somewhat.

However I think it's time I got back to seeing my GP/shrink again as it looks like those tendencies have re-surfaced again.
At first it was simply a matter of a blister on the underside of my foot, all very well and good except weeks after I got it I'm still peeling skin away from that area, even to the extent that I've drawn blood and it's rather uncomfortable to stand on, let alone walk with my weight on that area. Yet I feel nothing other than it must be done.

Rationally I know I should just stop and let it heal, yet that doesn't happen.
So a trip to my GP I will go.

I'll get back to this post after sleep, so stay tuned for more wackyness.